As a little kid did you ever play with the garden hose only to have your dad or sibling step on it to hold back the water until you look into the hose wondering what happened only to be BLASTED in the face with water?
Ya… that’s graduate school *im not crying you are*
It is rough out here loves:
· No social life
· My mind constantly thinks in symptoms, diseases, and genetics
· When I am not studying I am panicking about not studying and so I end up studying even in the shower… no joke
· I mean what even is SLEEP… and is there actually such a thing as too much coffee NOPE
But hey I haven’t died of exhaustion, overload, or caffeine toxicity yet so we out here!
AND
Not only have I been forced to learn 2,133 slides of information - yes I counted – I have also gained a lot of life knowledge in the past few weeks too… or basically survival tips for high stress situations. And I am far from being good at these things… like FARRR but hey, at least I gots me a list of things to work on!
1. Anxiety isn’t always a bad thing – you just gotta bring it down a notch sometimes
All of my fellow type A’s out there: your striving and hard work and perfectionism and anxiety is not a bad thing… when you learn to harness it and use it for good. What do I mean? Well, I have always viewed my anxiety as a HUGE negative until I talked to my new counselor this week who helped me see that it can actually be a positive. My anxiety is one of the driving forces behind my success (other than God’s gifts to me like my brain!) and actually helps me achieve at the level where I do. I honestly may not have been where I am today without it. BUT, it is quite obvious with my weekly panic attacks (sometimes multiple a week) that I can let it get the best of me and rise to a level 9 when it only needs to be at a level 5! So… there is no need to crucify myself for being the organized and perfectionistic type A that I am, I just need to learn to balance my anxiety with grace and talk my mind down to where I can use my anxiety as fuel to work harder and accomplish what I am setting my mind to! My counselor gave me a few suggestions to do this:
· Box breathing – breathe in blue calm air for 2sec and breath out orange anxious air for 2 seconds until you form a 2 second wide box… then keep increasing the length of your breaths as you draw a box until you feel calmer
· 5.4.3.2.1 – notice and describe 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste to ground yourself and bring your mind to the present
And most of all… when you do lose your cool and PANIC (which is bound to happen) give yourself grace and move on!
2. Your body actually can reach a limit of studying so… ya… rest is KINDA IMPORTANT
Ya… the weekend before my first two massive exams I was a bit overwhelmed and so instead of having confidence in myself that I knew what I was studying I spent all Saturday trying to learn the information… like literally 14.5 hours on Saturday studying. Andddd the next day I only remembered what I studied before it had felt like my mind turned to mush.
Yes, your mind can do a lot, but it is part of your body and it does need rest and time to re-energize! I mean, you wouldn’t run all day without a few rest and fuel breaks… so why would you do this to your brain?! I know the daunting amount of information may be overwhelming (like it was/is for me) but when you REST (even like a 20 minute pinterest break) you will be soooo much more productive. And don’t forget sleep either… coffee can get you a long way… but not like good ol’ fashioned sleep can!
3. You aren’t going to always know it all and that is okay!
In undergrad I went into every exam confident that I would know like 99.5% of the information because I reviewed my notes every day until the exam… and quite often I was right. And let me tell you did this lead to a r.u.d.e awakening in graduate school. This is not undergrad anymore… there is literally like no way you can know everything and feel 100% or even 85% confident going into an exam… and that’s okay. The important thing is understanding what you are studying so that one day when it matters you can apply it in the real world! Even more so, this has taught me reliance on God because I can no longer rely on myself for school. Instead, before every exam, I pray. I thank God for blessing my studies and helping me learn what I could, and ask Him to help me stay calm and make educated guesses on the stuff I didn’t get to or didn’t study… because guess what… I don’t know a lot but He kinda knows EVERYTHING. So walking into my tests knowing God is before me and behind me… it’s been a pretty nice confidence boost.
4. You can’t do it alone!
Ever heard the saying it takes a village? That is grad school for sure. And honestly life in general. IT IS ROUGH AND CRAPPY OUT HERE. There are lots of overwhelming, not-going-as-planned, just plain frustrating days… and it’s easier to get through them with people by your side. I know the information is overwhelming but don’t forget about your people. Make time to study with them, catch up over a quick cup of coffee, facetime your man in the evening to ask about his day, and just don’t neglect your social side while you are on this journey. You were literally created by God for relationship with Him and others. You need it! It’s not a bad idea to see a counselor every now and then too. There’s a lot of overwhelming, anxiety provoking, pressure putting stuff going on right now and it’s important to be able to have a safe space to talk and get advice!
And don’t forget your devos either. There is nothing like starting your day with God and inviting Him in before all the crap hits the fan!
5. Medicine gives you the most amazing perspective on God and the world.
Amidst all the chaos and overwhelmingness of life right now there is one thing constant: my love for God and my love for medicine… and I love that they are coming together. I mean, it is quite impossible to study the body in all of its complexity and not see the signs of a creator and designer who knew just how things needed to be in order for them to work properly. It is hard not to be amazed at how much detail there is in life and the vastness of the knowledge of God. It is hard not to see His power, His creativity, His craftsmanship. It is hard not to be in awe. And so, this is what I ultimately hold on to. This is what gets me through the early mornings and late nights. Not just a love and passion for medicine and helping others, but a love for learning more about God’s beloved creation and being able to know Him more through it.
And so here we are… 6 weeks older… and 6 weeks wiser… just hoping I will start giving myself more grace, learning more about rest, beginning to trust and depend on God more, and forcing myself to just take each day One. Step. At. A. Time. with the people I love, the studies I love, and the God I love.
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