“As Jesus was on his way, the crowds almost crushed him. And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years, but no one could heal her. She came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak, and immediately her bleeding stopped. “Who touched me?” Jesus asked.When they all denied it, Peter said, “Master, the people are crowding and pressing against you.” But Jesus said, “Someone touched me; I know that power has gone out from me.”Then the woman, seeing that she could not go unnoticed, came trembling and fell at his feet. In the presence of all the people, she told why she had touched him and how she had been instantly healed. Then he said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace.”
Luke 8:40-48
Healing. Now that is something I have been craving for YEARS and has been on my mind a lot recently as I have fallen back into restrictive eating habits. It feels like I am in a never-ending battle between my healthy brain and my eating disorder brain, and quite honestly, I am getting very frustrated. After so many slip-ups and setbacks I have begun to entertain the thought that I will be one of the few who suffer from anorexia nervosa for the rest of their lives… except… this is not a thought from God.
When I allow this fleeting thought to linger, it turns my eyes from the problem solver to a seemingly unsolvable problem. I mean, you can’t see anorexia… you can’t touch it… smell it… sense it…. it's completely abstract. The only evidence of its presence in my life is me. And that makes it most real to me and more frightening because there is no clear medical solution. I can eat foods that scare me, go to therapists, follow my meal plan, and ask my parents for help, but these all seem a bit restrictive in their own right. So, more than anything, lately I have been craving complete freedom and healing from this disorder that has consumed my life for so many years.
I keep turning to God for help because I know true freedom and healing comes from Him, but being someone who loves control, I keep taking my disorder back. I feel attachment to it, shame and guilt from it, and I believe it is mine to carry and fix. Part of me thinks I also don’t believe that God will remove this thorn from my life, or that He can... if I am being completely vulnerable. I have doubts. I need faith like this woman.
I have had my disorder now for 4 or 5 years, she was bleeding for 12! Not only must it have been frustrating and annoying, but it would have made her unclean in biblical times (if I remember correctly). That is years of both physical and emotional pain. No human medicine or therapy could fix her… but she has full confidence that just touching the hem of Jesus’ will lead to healing. Guys… that’s HUGE! She was so confident in the power and love and understanding of Christ that she knew, not just hoped, that touching His clothes without even being acknowledged was enough. And she was instantly healed.
What if we believed that just a prayer, a plead, sent in the direction of our Father would be heard and answered? I feel like we would kneel before Him far more often. Too often I forget the insane amount of power just in the tip of His finger. I forget that He wants to have a relationship with me and He wants me to run to Him with all of my worries and questions.
And maybe I won’t get instant healing, but I know that if I can finally turn to Him and simply believe in my Father, He will answer. Not always now, not always with yes, not always in the way I expect, but He will answer with what is best.
So, God, please reach into my life and help me recover from my eating disorder. You understand my pain and struggle, and You alone can give me the power and strength to get through this. You have blessed me with so many people who encourage me and inspire me every day. I pray for everyone else too who needs healing in their lives and feels powerless in finding a solution. God, give them comfort and hope in You. I thank You and I love You. Please heal us Lord. Amen.
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