“You aren’t thin enough.”
I snuck past my sleeping parents into their bathroom which contained the only scale in the house. These next few moments were CRITICAL in determining the course of my day. My mood, the number of calories I would allow myself to consume, it all rested on the number that popped up after my cold feet hit that smooth glass platform. *Bing* The number registered, and my face fell. It was not good enough. Again, that sneaky, serpent like voice cooed into my ear… “You are not thin enough. I need more.” And despite the growl of hunger in my stomach I knew I would obey because… well… if I didn’t, I knew the consequences.
Maybe you have been here. You do not have to have an eating disorder to be subject to the pressure of today’s culture. The pressure of its beauty standards portrayed by slim edited ladies that grace the cover of every magazine. The ones with all the likes and follows on social media. You know what I am talking about, I know you do. This standard is well known, especially in our Western culture.
Even people as young as 6 are feeling the pressure and idealize a thin, lean body. 6. Let that sink in.
These words, these standards, these idols have power. But, I want to let you into a little secret: you will never be thin enough. Ever.
For years I persisted in this pattern. Wake up weigh in push harder to lose weight. I set goal after goal – “okay, just 5 more lbs,” or “I will be thin enough if I just lose 3 more lbs.” Yet no matter how many times I hit my goal that lie rang through my brain and I would push it even further. Chasing a number that did not exist – a number where I would finally be thin enough. Eventually, my weight plummeted to a point where people noticed. The tone in their voice switched from admiration to concern. And yet, even when I was hospitalized due to the physical damage caused by my lack of proper nutrition… it was still not enough.
My eating disorder wanted more, and it would not be satisfied until it consumed ever last part of me.
When I think about this pattern, I think of these 2 verses from the Bible:
1. John 10:10 – “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life and have it to the full.”
2. 1 Peter 5:8 – “Be sober minded, be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.”
Despite my resistance to believe there was more than a physical affliction occurring at this time, looking back I can clearly see the spiritual battle that occurred in my life. One of life or death.
On one side, the devil was whispering lies in my ear, trying to persuade me that no matter what I did, not matter how much weight I lost, I would never be enough. He was driving me to drastic measures. Pushing me to the brink of death, ready to watch as I plummeted.
On the other side, God was trying to break through the cacophony of noise and pull me safely to His side. He was persistent in His pursuit, bringing people to speak His truth into my life. They reminded me:
That my outer appearance is not the most interesting or important thing about my person. My body is God’s temple, and yes, I should strive to honor and take care of it, but God is more interested in my inner workings. Am I striving to be loving, joyous, peaceful, and patient? Am I working on the characteristics of kindness and self-control? Have I learned to be gentle and faithful? Am I becoming more like Christ?
1 Samuel 16:7 “But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or on
the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man
sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 – “Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy
Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God with your bodies.”
I am more than a human being, I was created by God, for God, and live as a Child of God because I am saved by His Son. The forming of my being is not accidental or flippant but was purposeful and precise. Not only am I the handiwork of all-powerful God, but I was created for a purpose. My life does not exist solely to lose weight.
Psalms 139:13-16 – “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in
my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from
you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the
depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”
1 Peter 2:9 – “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation,
God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His wonderful light.”
Ephesians 2:10 – “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”
3. God is fighting for me and His love is so much greater than anything that may try to pull me from His grasp in this lifetime.
Romans 8: 38-39 – “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither
angels no demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither
height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
See, we live in a world that has a very live and active spiritual element. One side, the side of darkness, whose goal is to keep us from our Savior, to make us slaves to the ideals and pleasures of the world. They do not care for your soul but hope to turn you over to death and destruction to get back at God by harming His beloved creation. The second side, the side of light, is full of love and mercy. They seek only good and growth for your soul and desire for you to accept Christ and spend eternity in heaven. They seek to give you life to the fullest.
My dear, do not listen to the lies of the world that you are not enough. The God who created you is so in love with you that He sent His perfect Son as a sacrifice for you even when you turned your back on Him. He is active in His pursuit of you - and praise God He was willing to leave the 99 to find me. And when He found me cornered with no hope and nowhere to turn, He did not leave or turn His head, but reached out His arms and pulled me back to Him.
Do not let a world who does not know you or care about you define who you are. Turn that responsibility and right over to the one who made you. Who knit you together and hand selected every aspect of your being for a purpose. The one who filled you with specific passions, desires, ideas, creativity.
Because in His eyes, thanks to the blood of His Son, you are enough.
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