I haven't been as vocal this year for eating disorder awareness week as I have in the past years. Not because my passion has grown dim, simply because it has been busy and I am trying to put into practice the principles and advice I give to you. Specifically, rest and balance. But, today is a quiet day and I am able to write out some thoughts on paper as we come to the close of this week.
This year, ED awareness week is all about C.A.R.E
Continue the conversation
Act Early
Strengthen Recovery
End the Cycle
Why are each of these points important as we promote awareness of this deadly condition?
Continue the Conversation: Many people do not know much about what eating disorders are and the harm they cause. This is largely due to lack of research, lack of public education, and the stigma surrounding the topic. But these educational conversations are important. Knowledge is a powerful tool when used correctly and placed in the right hands. The more you know the easier it is to recognize the signs, know how to approach the topic, and know how to help or where to turn for help.
Act Early: The earlier you act, either to get help for yourself or others, the easier it is for healing to occur. The longer the disorder is allowed to exist unbothered, the deeper its roots will grow and the more detrimental the physical effects may be! Note I say may because everybody is different and the disorder will affect each person differently. Furthermore, regardless of whether you had your disorder for a day or years you ARE DESERVING OF HEALING AND RECOVERY.
Strengthen Recovery: Engage with health professionals such as nutritionists, physicians, psychologists, therapists and others. Create a recovery plan that is unique to you and tackles your disorder on all fronts. Gather a community of loving and supportive people around you who will help you with each step.
End the Cycle: By beginning the conversation early, stepping in at the first signs or when multiple red flags are present, and bringing the patient into a strong recovery journey early there is hope to prevent the progression of the condition. There is hope for recovery. You are never too far gone.
These are amazing principles, but I want to dive a little deeper and get a bit more personal this eating disorder awareness week. Many of you have seen the story of my disorder and the multitude of educational tidbits I have posted, you have learned the warning signs, and are building an arsenal of amazing recovery tips and tricks. But there is one thing I have not touched on often... the shame.
After the ED fog wears off and the clarity returns, the aftermath of your disorder becomes obvious. The friends you pushed away, the siblings you neglected, the parents you hurt, the sports team you let down... I could go on and on. And these emotions, once I recognized them, were deep and saddening. I knew the eating disorder was not my fault, but I could not help but feel immensely ashamed of what it lead to.
But God...
Slowly he released the chains of my shame and helped me find peace about my past. And even more so, be grateful for it. [And I can right more on the process of releasing the shame at a later date, it was a long slow process of taking responsibility while recognizing it was unintentional and a result of my illness. My family and friends had forgiven me and loved me enough to understand and differentiate. I was the only one who had not forgiven myself, and as soon as I learned this and finally forgave myself for all that happened, God helped me leave it all behind and walk in freedom.]
So today, if you asked me if I would change the past and rewrite it so I never experienced my eating disorder I would adamantly and without hesitation reply "No." The lessons I learned were so powerful and it helped shape me into the God fearing woman I am today, and I am learning to really love myself.
So here are the lessons I learned that I would love to reflect on and share as we bring this week to a close:
My identity is found in God and God alone. No one and no thing on this earth has the right to define me. Psalm 139:13-14, "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." When I finally learned to embrace who God tells me I am, the freedom and confidence I found astonished me. The pressure of who the world wants me to be faded to the background as I learned that what God thinks of me and who I am in Christ is all that matters.
God is the ultimate healer. My heart was broken, my body fading, my mind unwound. Yet never ever have I been too far gone for God to reach in and heal me. I may have been broken, but in my brokenness I got to see God's powerful hand in a powerful and special way. Slowly, over time, and with lots of love, God reached in and without me even realizing, healed every part of me. God is truly one who "heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds" [Psalm 147:3]. There are still some broken pieces that we are working on mending together, but I have seen God's work up close and personal and I have no doubt that He can do it again.
Being broken was a gift. I fully believe every part of your life is full of purpose. God is not a God of waste and even the hard and dismal part of life can be used for our good and His glory. Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose." While I did not understand it at the time, God was working behind the scenes of my brokenness for a greater purpose. I have slowly seen that purpose come to life through multiple avenues. I feel my brokenness allows me to connect and empathize with others who have been broken in a way I would not be able to if I had always been whole. I have also seen Him publicly use my story to bring awareness, understanding, and recognition to the condition. Beauty from ashes is His specialty.
When I do not have the strength, God does. Isaiah 12:2 "Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and will not be afraid; for the Lord God is my strength and my song, and He has become my salvation." Time and time again through my recovery journey I have come to the end of myself. I have run myself into the ground, tired and weak. And here, I find God. So patient and kind, giving me the strength to keep going. To get through one day. And the day after? He is there again ready to help me along as I followed His guidance for my life.
His ways are not my ways but they are so much better. Isaiah 55:8-9 "'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, ' declares the Lord. 'As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.'" I may never fully understand God's purpose for my past and may only see the steps right in front of me as I look toward my future. But I know my God and I know He sees and understands more than my human mind has the capacity to, so I can rest knowing my life is in His hands.
He taught me so much in the last 6 years that this list does not do Him justice. Although, to be honest, my words never could. He is so good, so just, so powerful, so intelligent, my words will always fall short. But these are some of the lessons I have recognized and been thankful for in the last week as I have thought back on how far He has brought me.
I will forever be thankful that I have a God who leaves the 99 for the 1. He sought me out, in the darkness and chaos and confusion. When I let my eyes shift to the world He did not sit back and watch me drown. He caught my arm and brought my gaze back to His kind loving face. And He has never left my side through it all.
If you are in crisis here are some important numbers to put in your phone! You are deserving of recovery and the best people to help are these professionals:
NEDA Help Line 800.931.2237 - Call or text this number for support, resources, and treatment options for yourself or a loved one struggling with an eating disorder
SAMHSA National Helpline 1.800.622.4357 - Free and confidential treatment referral and information service
SAMHSA National Helpline Text 435748 - Treatment referrals via test message
988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline
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