This week on my way to and from my jobs I have switched out my usual music selection for a podcast sermon series called Damaged Goods and in my free time finished the Screwtape Letters.
Now I don’t really believe in coincidences, only God – things, and these two messages spoke to me in a very real, needed, and challenging way.
Ever since my eating disorder began a deep part of me felt that I was no longer whole. I was no longer in pristine condition but had been fractured, leading me to visualize another crack forming in my person with each major trial I faced. And while no one labeled me as such, I thought of myself as damaged goods. Someone who had to paste herself together before she could engage in a meaningful relationship with people and God again.
I saw the beat up, dented outer package of myself and falsely determined that no one would pick me because of it. I was destined for life on the shelf.
As I saw God moving in my life to remove me from the pit I had dug, I began to realize how detrimental this mindset was. It prevented authenticity and vulnerability in relationships, it suppressed my skills and talents, it kept my purpose in a box as I believed the lie that I was too damaged and unworthy to achieve it. I also could not believe others might be as damaged as I, leaving me to feel alone and isolated in this place... until God stepped in.
Through the lineage of Jesus, He revealed to me that He frequently used damaged people to achieve His plans for the future, those before Him full of sin laid out in the Bible. He used people in my life willing to be vulnerable to show me that I was not alone in my brokenness, as even now people struggle. He opened my eyes to the lies I believed for years and renewed in me a fire to pursue my heaven given purpose despite the brokenness in my life, as this brokenness is what led me to my Savior.
He also taught me He loves me despite my damage.
It is one thing for people who are also broken to love you and befriend you. It is a whole new feeling to come to the realization in both mind and soul that perfect Jesus, God, looked upon me in my damaged state and instead of passing me over for a younger, more vibrant and happier model, saw my soul and said:
“I want that one.”
“That one is going to do big things for me in my name.”
“And don’t give me the discount… no… I will pay in full.” And with that He went to the cross.
He did that for me. He did that for you. And for every person in the world because if we are being honest, there is a part of all of us that has been damaged and hurt by the world we live in.
I mean WOW. Does that not blow your mind?
Heck if I am at the store and I see even a tiny chip in the coffee mug I am asking for a discount because it isn’t all it is supposed to be. But God, in His grace and unconditional love, says that the outside may be damaged, but the inside is growing to be brilliant and refined by walking with me.
1 Peter 5:10 “And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast.”
You may be damaged, my love. All of us are in one way or another - that is the consequence of living in a world ruled by sin. But do not let the enemy use this to isolate you from your family of believers or from God and the plans He has for you. Instead, stand in awe of the love of the God of the universe who chooses you and loves you despite your damage and thinks you are worth the full price! Surrender your damaged areas to Him and watch Him use them in a way that brings healing and beauty into your life.
God sees you. He wants you. And He will not leave you alone to suffer.
He will choose you, redeem you, and give you a purpose that changes the world for Him!
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