Last night I met with my dear friend Jen to catch up and do a small Bible study together. I told her previously that I had been struggling with my eating disorder again (commonly a result of stress and feeling out of control) and she lovingly put together a list of three verses related to anxiety, eating disorders, and trials overall. As we were wrapping up, we opened our Bibles to the last passage, and it hit me hard. I felt both conviction and comfort, confusion and clarity as I paused to contemplate these few verses that I had read several times throughout my life. Opening up this document today, I felt lost at what to write and suddenly these verses flew back to my mind so I decided to share them with all of you.
2 Corinthians 12: 6-9
“6 Even if I should choose to boast, I would not be a fool, because I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain, so no one will think more of me than is warranted by what I do or say, 7 or because of these surpassingly great revelations. Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
At first it was verse 8 that really tugged on something deep within me. Throughout the past few years of battling my eating disorder I have begged God to remove it completely from my life. Sure, sometimes I miss what it gave me, but I realize the damage it brings, and I desperately desire to be free from the endless loop of recovery and relapse. I want to feel normal and strong again. After connecting with the action of pleading to the Lord for healing and lifting of trials I saw God’s answer in verse nine.
I am not going to lie to you… I had mixed feelings at first. Here I have the God of the universe answering a similar situation and question I had thousands of years ago to one of the best- known Christians in the world (Paul), and his response was no. A very kind no, but still a no. Not very encouraging to someone in a similar situation. Simultaneously though, I felt an insane peace, as if God had right then and there brought me clarity on the answer to my question. No, or at least not yet.
Now I am not comparing myself to Paul at all. That would be crazy! This man went from persecuting and killing Christians to being on fire for God, planting Churches and evangelizing all around the world. He lived God’s commandment of spreading the Gospel in your own town, the surrounding area, and then across the globe. He was imprisoned, beaten, and nearly killed countless times for Jesus. Now that is an awesome testimony! What I think is interesting though, is that Paul here admits to being human. In these verses, he says that he has reason to boast in all he has done in the name of Christ, but God allowed a “thorn” (which most think to be a disease) to prevent him from being conceited and keep him knowingly dependent.
The amazing thing Paul acknowledged, something we need to realize too, is that God was not the cause of this thorn. Many of the hardships and trials in this life were not given to you by God, but allowed by Him. Paul acknowledges this when he says “a messenger of Satan, to torment me.” God is a good God. He is in no way bad and therefore cannot cause evil things to occur…. All bad comes from the devil. But God is over all so it has to be allowed by God, meaning it has a purpose. So that was another crazy realization I had when reading this passage.
The most amazing part is in the last line. It is so insanely contradictory in nature: for when I am weak, then I am strong. That is like staying when I am asleep, then I am awake. But it also makes so much sense! When we boast in our weakness, we are our most vulnerable selves. We come to terms with our sinful nature, our broken nature, and our need for a Savior… and when we finally come to the end of ourselves we come to the foot of the cross and salvation. And when we find God we find strength. And that is so beautiful!
So do not be afraid to be real about your weaknesses! For our weaknesses are such an incredible testament to the power of God! And with my frame of mind this was so encouraging to hear and I hope it was encouraging to you as well, and challenging… because it is incredibly challenging to become comfortable feeling vulnerable and weak! However, though the thorn's presence (whatever consistently reminds you of your humanity and brings you to dependence on God), like Paul we can be confident knowing that God has a purpose in allowing the thorn to persist and He is there to be your strength to make it through - whether it is for a lifetime or only a season.
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